Something worth fighting for

If someone were to ask me about Faith, what is it? How do you get it? How do you keep it?
By definition its described..
1) a strong belief in a supernatural power or powers that control human destiny
2) loyalty or allegiance to a cause or a person
When I think of the word FAITH , it feels like such a heavy word, yet at the same time slippery and foggy.
Everyone has some faith, whether in God , or another person, or even that the water you drink everyday is clean. You have to have faith everyday on some level just to walk out your door in the mornings. Faith that you will come back intact and alive. Life isn't all plum trees and apple sauce on this planet. Disasters and accidents happen, so we must have some faith that it won't happen to us or our loved ones.  I believe its a part of being a human as much as any other feeling or idea. Except faith isn't quite a feeling is it? Its a mixture of emotion and thought, feelings and ideas. And these are strong feelings and ideas about something we deem important in our lives.
For me faith has been something I've had to do battle for continuously thru out my life. Faith, when it pertains to believing in God, is something others feel like they need to steal away. The world loves to try to question Faith, and they always have such great reasons why you shouldn't believe and have faith.
I didn't just wake up one day and say "Hey, I think I'll go believe in God"
Obviously something... Or in my case continuous something's have had to have happened for me to maintain my faith. Yes, I am an emotional imaginative person.... Yet at the same time I am very capable of applying logic, and scientific evidence to any situation. I am a combination of FEELING and THOUGHT .
There have been occurrences in my life that have help build my faith, enough for me to continue to fight for it on a daily basis. Faith something you build, grow, nurture and fight to protect.
We all need it...  without faith I believe we would never love others outside of our own families . You definitely have to have faith to offer your love to someone outside your own family knowing very well they could at anytime hurt you by rejecting you.
So if someone were to ask me about Faith, I guess I would have to reply that FAITH is something worth fighting every single day for.

Testimony

I feel like I have always been on my own, I always had this feeling of being separate from others. Removed somewhat from other people. But since I was about 5 years old have always felt the presence of God.  I would lie in my bed at night as a child, and talk to Him about the stuff that matters to children at that age.
I have been a run away, I have been rebellious, gotten in various forms of trouble in my teen years, put my life at risk. I dropped out of high school and then beauty college.  All I ever wanted since I was a child was to be a wife and a mother. Instead I was pretty much held captive by a man who wanted nothing better than to destroy me if he couldn't possess me, the inner me, the true me. Eventually I stopped laughing, I stopped feeling, I stopped dreaming, I stopped hoping. Rarely did I even cry. I walked around with seething rage, just waiting to be released.   Slowly all the light that had always been there started to fade.  I had stopped talking to God, I was angry at Him. And in turn I was angry at myself. I was one big open wound , who would have given anything to die. I hated myself with everything I had. All I saw was darkness all around me.
Until one day, when I was at my lowest I had ever been, I felt something lay a hand upon my head, and whisper that I was loved, and all I had to do was take what was being offered, and I would be saved. Just turn my gaze back to the light and I was promised to be carried from that dark place I found myself in.
Well here I am... Alive, and a long way from that sad woman, that saw nothing to live for, laying on her bathroom floor with no more tears to cry because they had been all used up.
I have been, throughout my 42 years, beaten, assaulted, violated, betrayed, humiliated, stripped of everything I had, terrorized, my rights infringed upon, my heart broken, lied about,  taken advantage of, called horrible names, abandoned, ignored, under estimated, and forgotten. I have felt at times so incredibly lonely that I forgot what love even felt like. I have probably cried so many tears in this lifetime that I could fill a lake. I have tried various ways to blot out the pain. One of which was self harm. I use to cut my arms with a razor then pour alcohol on the open wounds just to shock my body out of the emotional pain I was in. For some people this is hard to fathom why someone would do something so drastic, and I would argue is it so much different than drinking, eating or having sex in excess? Isn't that also self harm to drown out emotional pain? I hated myself so much that there were times I couldn't bring myself to even look at myself in the mirror.
Yet thru Gods everlasting patience, and unconditional love I have been brought out from this prison of darkness to a place where I can see glimmers of hope, where I can see shards of light, where I can actually dream I might find some happiness. Only recently had I had an occasion where I felt this overwhelming feeling that I couldn't identify... Happiness. It took me a moment to even put a name to what I was feeling because happiness was something I wasn't used to.
  God never judged me, He never abandoned me, He was faithful, even when I wasn't faithful to Him. Im not saying I dont have trials of faith, or doubts because I do.  But if it wasn't for my belief in my Father in Heaven, I would have gladly taken my own life to escape the pain that was being inflicted on me. The faint scars on my arms a constant reminder of how far I have come.
I understand why people have a hard time believing  in something they haven't felt or seen. But as I stand here today, I stand as a physical presence for others. You may not be able to see God, but you can see and touch me, and in me lies the hand of God. He who breaths life back into the dead. Praise be!

Crumbling

I feel as if I live upon a rocky cliff. I have lived here for quite some time. My memory of exactly how I have come to live here is paper thin, and as fragile as ancient papyrus, far too delicate to examine closely.  How many times have I almost lost my footing along this crumbling edge overlooking a raging massive sea? Waves that threaten to engulf me completely, and drag me to dark depths.
How many times have I looked into those very depths wanting to jump in so as to be seen no more? Too many to count to be sure.
And how many times has the very hand of God lightly pressed His loving hand to my feverish forehead, and gently soothed my aching mind?  Why waste your time Father on such a stubborn sinner such as myself? What patience you must have!!
I sit on this precipice waiting the best I can , too stubborn to give up and too stubborn to let go. Perhaps one day I will know the feel of solid ground beneath my feet, perhaps one day I will free myself of this rocky cliff.

Through the mist

Through the mist of tears,
I see everything crystal clear.
A path winding amid a forest
aglow with sugar coated deception,
dripping with heart piercing venom.
Each step I take, slips in the muck
of loathsome nightmares, and severed dreams.
Pride a distant memory, like a lover's caress
long forgotten.
Dancing between this world and the next.
Tiptoeing around pitfalls leading to suffocating
darkness.
Burdens of wisdom weighing me down,
threatening to drown me in a pool of insanity.
Visions burning my brain, melting through
to the core of my being.
Surrounded by others wrapped in a blanket
of their own deceit, and clouded truth.
Through the mist of tears,
I see everything crystal clear.

No man's burden

I stall be no man's burden.
I will be God's alone.
Only God who created me,
and has searched my heart
shall sit in judgement of my thoughts
and actions.
Let it be my Father in Heaven,
who would declare me worthy or not.
I do not live for myself, I live
only to glorify the name of the
One, who came to earth, to live
and die as a sacrifice for all of us.
I am a sinner, among some of the
worst, redeemed by the ever enduring
love of the Son.
Man can call me a fool, call me crazy,
persecute me for my belief in something
man cannot see with his own eyes.
It makes no difference to me, for I live
not for man's judgement, I live only for
God's.
He loves me regardless of how imperfect
I am, for that I am ever grateful.
- Amber Collett

Weary Traveler

Hollow heart and tired brain

Dried up tears washed away

Siphoned dreams turns to dust

Slow moving veins and shallow breathe

Encased in a decaying body

Emptied out and laid bare

Naked and shivering in a hostile world

Stumbling and faltering steps 

Through a deceptive landscape

On the verge of expectation

Your life giving Grace

Breathing life back into my spirit

Your loving embrace keeping me upright

Your alluring words drenching my mind

Your light blinding renewed eyes

You lead and I will follow

Nothing could seperate us
I am sewn into your side
I am yours forever more

I am your beloved

You are my king
I am not alone

Warrior

Brave and Strong.
Cunning and Wise.
Alluring and Beautiful.
Challenging and Striking.
Poised and Hungry.
Wanting and Giving.
Destined and Unwavering.
Spiritual and Gifted.
Loving and Consuming.
Tried and Tested.
Wounded and Suffering.
Unforgettable and Everlasting.
Truthful and Trustworthy.
Confusing and Complex.
Deep and Healing.
Faithful and Loyal.
Laughable and Amusing.
Called and Cherished.
I am a survivor.
I am a warrior.
I can do this.